Now many people say forgive and forget, that is only partially right. When you forgive, you don't necessarily have to not do something about it, i fact there should be action to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Letting go is one thing, if you continue to hold on to the hurt then you won't be able to have a normal life. The funny thing is, I've mostly forgiven the people who have cheated on me but it has taken a lot longer than I would have liked. You don't just hand your trust back to those people, when you love someone, you have to have trust, otherwise you may as well be sitting dead in the water. Love is nothing without trust. That's where I started to make my mistakes. I wanted so badly to stay in the relationships, that I didn't do anything about the incidents that happened, and tried to just forget about it.
First off, you have to find out why it happened. No one who is happy with you will intentionally hurt you. That is a fact. So find what you have to do to change your behavior. This is the first step in making sure it doesn't happen again. You can't just laugh it off, many times when we do that we are just trying to bury the issue. You can't do that. Talk it out, make sure the other person knows what they did to hurt you. That is the only way they can truly apologize. I'm not saying you can't lighten the mood, but it is often not possible. When you do this, you have to be calm and talk, not yell, what is going on. I know that whenever my significant other starts becoming angry at me, I start keying in on what she is saying and I (and I really need to quit this) begin playing a tit for tat game. She hates it, in fact all it ends up doing is making us fight harder and longer, causing more hurt feelings and sooner than later, resentment. Don't intake it, let it out.
The next thing you have to do is know why it hurt you, many people in this world are on some sort of medication to help level their mood. I've taken paxil on and off for many years. You can't just cover this stuff up. I can't say that enough, a great life should never include you having to take a handful of happy pills first thing in the morning! Real forgiveness offers this opportunity to step away from these things, it isn't forgotten, it is learned from. When you love someone, forgiveness comes easier, and when you resent them, it is a big deal to get through.
Now is the kicker, you have to decide if the situation can be avoided again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...well you understand what I'm saying to ya. If there is real change, and you can truly forgive them then by all means, continue on the path. Happiness takes patience. If you can't, don't stay in the relationship, part ways, it maybe for a short time, and it may be for good. I've needed to part ways from the past in order to get to the point where I can let go of some of these things. It has left me jaded and scared, but I am a stronger person for it. I have also learned a lot over the years. I saw a sign on Saturday night that said, "Every sixty seconds you spend frustrated, is a minute of happiness that you cannot get back." Love the people that are around you and don't make your decisions based on a fear of being alone.
I can make you a promise, if you remember these things your life will be better. Put your time into something a little more worth it and let go of the pains that others caused you.
