To so many people there has become a lack of understanding of who we are. In my own personal examination I see somethings that I can change and others I won't change. The real question is who am I? To have an identity is important, it is more important to have self identity. We are a product of our own lives and the experiences that we live through are what make us who we are. The reality is, that too often we try to become what someone else wants us to be.
This is where my downfall starts, when I got married I was a man who didn't let any part of life (within my control) not pass me by. I tried everything that I possibly could. I had just graduated from college, and some of the greatest experiences of my life were had while I was there. In college I was in a band, I joined a fraternity, I was in student Government and other organizations, I worked a lot of different job, went on road trips, etc. I did everything I could, I didn't want to have any regrets based on not doing something. Then I got married and soon after my oldest daughter was conceived. I was a man among boys and living a life that I thought was normal.
I won't ever regret the birth of any of my children, but what I do regret, was losing myself identity. I started basing my pride on who I was to other people. I was a Dad and a husband, but to myself I didn't see what I was. I took pride in being those things. When I started putting my pride in being those two things I started trying to make myself into someone that those sets of people would be proud of.
We all have titles in out relationships, whether spoken or not. but our relationships though they provide an identity do not define us. I always heard my father say that "you have to find happiness within yourself." That statement is very true, but in retrospect I didn't hear those words for what they really meant.
"Just be yourself" that is the hardest thing in the world to accomplish when you don't know who that is. One of the things that attracted my now ex wife and so many former flames is that I knew exactly who that was and I was that person. The reason that so many of those relationships ended was because I quickly forgot who that was. I will mention often the difference between mediocre and great, because my goal is to help others while I myself work towards having that great life that we dream about as we are going through our young lives.
Right now I will tell you there is an easy way to have a mediocre life, SETTLE!!! If all you want is to have the same mundane life as millions of other people that is all you have to do. I know I have done it too often. To have a great life is a bit more difficult but is far more worth it. My life in the last five years has been mediocre at best, there have been great things happen, but there has been a lot of bad.
The first step to figuring out who you are is to determine what you want. If I had a dollar for every time I said that I want to do this or I wish I had done that over the last several years I would be a rich man. The first thing I had to realize was something very simple and it came in a conversation with my friend Bryan. The thing I said was that I didn't want to end up a bitter old man because of the things I didn't do.
Not doing the things we want creates a very negative and stagnate environment. It causes bitterness and hatred, often times being something that effects what goes on inside of us. I am all too aware of how this works. What made me, me when I was in college was that I made decisions based on what I wanted to do. College was filled with opportunities and I tried everything I could.
I guess the advice that I am offering is identify what you want and at least try it. Without the try you will never know. This is easier said than done, but that is what leads me into tomorrows topic of fear.
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