Trust Me

I have spent the last couple of years since I separated from my ex-wife learning again what it means to truely trust someone again. Trust is a little word that means so much more than anything else. Think about all of your relationships and you will easily find that the best ones all happened while you were able to trust someone else. Trust is something that you give to some and others have to earn. Without trust you cannot have a good relationship with another person.

I will admit I have trust issues...wow big secret huh...Those issues have put a huge damper on my relationship with the woman I've been dating for the last few years. She is great, she is open and honest with me and she is everything I really ever wantedin a woman. The problem is that when I'm not around her the jaded side of me gets the better side. The first thing that we have to accept is that we all have our own lives.

If you are living your life simply trying to make someone else happy, YOU WILL FAIL!!! Most of us do this because of trust. I tried to do this with my ex-wife as our marriage was crumbling, and when the split finally happened, I was miserable, until I started to learn how to live life for myself again. That was only one scenario though. When we start dating a person, we don't spend a lot of time worried about what they are doing, we trust them. Some where along the line we change that way of thinking. Be very careful of this.

I have watched some very successful relationships in my life and one thing I have found is that those successful couples have a fairly common theme, they share their lives together. They have three sets of friends his friends, her friends, and their friends. They have the oppertunity to get away from one another to breathe, but they love spending time with each other. Without it being this way one partner or the other will end up smothering the other one and this could lead to a disaster. Honestly I can admit at times I am guilty as charged.

There are many benefits to this situation in your relationship, if you do everything together all the time there isn't anything to talk about, which leads to a lack of conversation which leads to the break down of a main component of a great relationship and that is communication. So you have room to breathe, you continue having a network of friends who can support you when things go wrong(believe me this is very helpful), you have solid communication, and you have oppertunities to do things that your partner may not appreciate having to do with you. For this to all happen there has to be trust.

Trust is what keeps you out of your partners cell phone, diary, purse, whatever. I have a theory, the second you feel like you have to go through your partners stuff, is the very second that that relationship should be over!!! If you want to have a great life then do not be in a relationship where there isn't that level of trust. Without trust there is no intimacy, there is only the oppertunity for bad feelings to arise. What happens when you do find something? You get heartbroken, or hurt, you are ready to fight. There isn't anything good that comes of it. I will never be flexible on this point ever again, I will not let a relationship continue if there is that level of mistrust.

I have to trust my friends to be there when I need them, I am very fortunate that my freinds are there. I also have a very loving and supportive family, we have our issues, but it doesn't mean that when worse comes to worse that we turn our backs on each other. Trust is a very difficult thing for many people to give away, and deservedly so. I will trust most people until they giveme a reason not to. Real friends will not cross that line, and your family...well you can't just get rid of them so you have to decide what you are going to do about that.

Without trust there isn't love, and without love there isn't trust. Remeber that when you are trying to decide how to really have a great life.