Fear

Fear, it is a word that many of us don't consider unless we are talking about our own personal safety. But it is one of those things that can stop us from reaching greatness. Fear can cause us paralysis. The definition of that word is "the loss of muscle function for one or more muscles". The difference between this definition and the meaning I'm placing behind it is the question of how permanent it is.

Our emotions can get in the way of what we are trying to do. Of course the result of this is negative. While talking to a friend of mine he mentioned that he wasn't happy in his current relationship. I asked him why he stayed if he felt that it wasn't right for him. He told me in essence he didn't want to be alone. This feeling was very familiar to me, several years ago I wasn't happy in my marriage, of course neither was my wife. In fact she was so unhappy with the situation, the first man she allowed to show her any attention she ended up stepping out on me with. It's not like I didn't show her any attention, but I resented her because I had lost who I was, I had tried too long to be someone I wasn't. I should have left at this point but I couldn't, I was afraid of being alone, I was afraid of losing my identity as a husband, I was afraid of everything else I would lose.

I tried to convince myself that the best thing to do was to be a better husband, mind you I didn't say a better me. in my mind I wasn't being a good enough husband and that is the reason she stepped out. This has been a thought that haunted me for years. I tried harder and harder to be the best husband I could be. The deeper I got into the situation the more I lost myself. The more time went by and the harder I tried I was less in a relationship and more the relationship. Now this may not make sense to everyone, but be assured it will. I gave and gave to the situation, and I started giving up all of the activities that made me who I was. I litterally became a shell of the man I was when I was graduating from college.

I started doing everything I thought that she wanted me to do, remember it was what I thought. I did that so she didn't have to ask for anything, and in reality when she was asking she was asking for me to be who I was, but that didn't compute. Fear was really driving me in this, I was afraid that I wasn't going to be good enough for anyone if I wasn't good enough for this woman who had pledged her life to me.

Too many men do this in relationships, the resentment that is caused by fear can make us be people that we really arn't. We arn't happy, but we are too afraid to do anything different so we settle. This happens many times to people in jobs as well. We get overly comfortable in the place we are at and we don't actually do the things that we really want to do. The other side of this coin is that we don't feel like we are good enough to do the things we really want. This economy sucks, many people say that they want to do this or that, but they don't. It is safer to stay at a job you don't like than it is to try something new or risky. The logic is sound, but have you ever heard of someone doing something great without making a few risky decisions.

Every person should have some sort of goal to love what they do and go after it. That is a real career, and that is how you become great at doing something. Jobs are meant to be the vehicle to get us to that point, no one who starts working in fast food has any real intention of making a career out of it. Some people are just built to do that kind of work and others arn't. It is a matter of being able to manage your situation and not being afraid of what the future might hold.

The book Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson was very pivital in allowing me to realize that I needed to move passed my fears and be the man that I am. The question, "What would I do if I wasn't afraid?" is a question that all of us should consider when becoming the people that we need to be. FDR once said "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." This is really true in everything that we do. We can't be afraid to dream or go after those dreams. Sure at times there is a lot to risk, but the reality is without the downs you don't get the ups, and that is why so many of us don't feel good about ourselves.

This weekend I'm going to write a post that should interest many people, especially men.